Today, I saw a story that made me wince and double check the sources. I’m still double checking the double checks because I could hardly believe my eyes. Check out the story here. Basically, some teachers in Indiana were being trained on active shooter training. In the course of the training, groups of four teachers were instructed to face a wall and kneel, only to find themselves pelted with rubber items from an air type shooter. Teachers who had yet to experience the training could hear screaming from their colleagues. Some were said to have had welts, and one had some bleeding. Fairness to all, the Sheriff states as soon as someone complained they discontinued the training. The statement is said to have been made that that this is what happens when one cowers and does nothing.
On the other hand, today I also read that the Principal of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School has been removed from his position, and will remain on campus overseeing the rebuilding, as he is being investigated. Many are incensed that he is now being investigated, so long after the fact. Others have voiced fears that teachers will be investigated next. You can fact check it here.
Finally, sadly, a young woman, recently graduated from MSDHS, a close friend of one of the victims, has ended her own life, presumably from the survivor’s guilt and the PTSD that followed the events a 13 months ago. Tragic, heartbreaking and final–no chance to save her. You can find ways to support the family here.
Honestly, I never thought I’d have to consider school shootings. However, it is a present thought, more so than fire drills or tornado drills. I have students who regularly request a seat change with regard to proximity to windows or doors. (I change arrangements about every two weeks as part of my management. For those students who carry anxiety about shootings, I have to be very mindful and careful in the same way I have to consider an IEP). Not only do we need to prepare students for college, but we also need to prepare them for dread emergencies. And, if we don’t perform sufficiently, everyone in the world can second guess our actions and may put our reputation, if not our jobs, in jeopardy. And if we do perform sufficiently, and are blessed enough to live past the event, we will need to be safeguarding our students and colleagues for years to come.
Some of my students, and yours, may harbor a deep seated fear or anxiety about the events they see in the news. I almost feel I need to develop an Individual Anxiety Plan (IAP). In our effort to help students have knowledge of what needs to be done in an emergency, we are often compounding their fears, despite our confidence and assurances. While I know counseling can be sought, and it can be helpful, I wonder whether kids really be exposed to so much information? But, if we don’t expose them to the information, are we leaving them sitting ducks? But is the likelihood of a shooting enough to create anxiety, especially in the middle and high school age groups where social media, and general media, readily accessible to them, makes it seem tremendously likely that it will happen to them. I don’t know how much I’ve learned from the terrible tragedies at Sandy Hook or Columbine or Virginia Tech or Parkland that has prepared me to be more alert or more successful in such a setting. I do know my gut instinct to protect those in my care is strong, and I do know that thinking and praying will be part of the strategy that moves my kids to safety.
We face drills at our job. I would imagine most people feel they would be able to be calm and steady during an emergency. I’m speculating, but it sounds like the reality of the training in Indiana may have brought things very close to home and may have shaken teacher’s thoughts about their ability to save the lives of their students given that this training has been in place for several years.
In short, our skin seems to be thinner than ever. In an effort to prepare everyone, we seem to be weakening out structures and strength. I don’t give out all of the information to students of what we will do, I just tell them all phones are to be disabled, listen to my voice, we will all be safe together. I don’t relate everything because what if a future perpetrator would gain information from our drills and make us sitting ducks?
Teachers in the drills in Indiana were upset by the methods utilized. I don’t think I would have liked it either. I think it would have rattled me now more than it would have ten years ago. I’m sorry it was upsetting, but I get it completely. The law enforcement people are trying to balance the need for information and training with the need to allow us to live normal, teacher lives.
Did you know that school shootings have been part of the landscape since the 1800’s? I never realized that the shootings have been happening for over 100 years. Mass shootings, have not. Danger has always been around us. How do we navigate danger with perpetrators who have been declared disturbed or evil? How do we prevent our kids from becoming victims or perpetrators? How do we keep everyone safe?
I’m not a hardened warrior. I’m a girl who teaches kids- tall kids, but kids, nonetheless. I have a crayon heart, so to speak. My crayon heart melts at the sight of students being real friends to one another. My crayon heart melts when someone says thank you – you made a difference. My crayon heart melts when I read about a student who would choose death over life because we didn’t see their grief and despair in time. My crayon heart keeps me awake at night thinking about these kids and their futures. I admittedly do not have a warrior heart. I work with some teachers who are warriors, and they have a sureness of what to do in an emergency.
This is one of those times in life when the prevention is worse than the actual disease, which is truly horrific. For me, the cure is to be smart, be aware, pray, and do my best, and trust that God will help me if the time ever arises. I trust that he will steel a crayon heart to be a warrior. In the meantime, I want to make students aware without burdening them with any additional fear than they already carry. The crayon heart needs to keep pouring good information, good morals and good decision making into the hearts that sit in the desks before them each day.
I’m glad I still write anonymously. When we encounter these drills and trainings, I always convince my students that I am a warrior at heart, all the while the crayons of my heart are a goopy mess. I tell them we will always be a team and be able to think and do what is best and that we will all be okay as we stick together. I pray that the crayons will become steel if the need arises.
For now, let’s use some common sense with our kids. Let’s not keep them blind, but let’s not bind them with fear. Let’s look for kids who are in despair and reach out to them. Let’s get a cure that is better than the disease.
First published March 23, 2019
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