Song of my Soul, Carry On, My Son, Week 3, Day 14

 Today, a friend reached out to ask me if I could help some of his new colleagues at his new school.  They are on Day 4, Week 1.  We are on Day 4, Week 3.   Of course, I reached right out.  I know I would have appreciated someone who was a couple of weeks ahead of me to be able to shed light on the potholes in the road.  Because that's what the current journey felt like during week 1 - - - a dirt road with potholes and twists and turns through an unfamiliar road, somewhat parallel and reminiscent of a road I once knew well.  Oh, and I think I was running with the gauge near E, and the tires whistling with the sound of air slowly leaking at the valve.  Because week 3 looks different to me, I was happy to share.  So with obvious apologies to the group, "Kansas", I submit this to all of you.

Carry on my hybrid teach
Right now normal's out of reach
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Once I rose above the glare and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion
I was teaching content but none could see or hear it 
Through their eyes the board glare only would blind them
Through the zoom I could neither see nor find them
I hear the voices when I'm dreamin', I can hear them say

Carry on my hybrid teach
Some day normal we will reach
Pick up your head, and do your best
Don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a teach with a reason
My technology seems cursed this season
And if I claim to be a wise one, it surely means that I don't know
That school is now fraught with emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
You set a course for the days of weekend

I hope you hear our voices say

Honestly, it does get better.  I am not a broadcasting company in HD.  I'm just the math girl who is tech savvy and struggling to get it right for kids who may or may not have unrealistic expectations at home, and for the kids who are in the room whose patience has been stretched thin while waiting for a student to answer, mostly to say, "Can you repeat that?"

At a certain point, you just keep changing devices, changing positions, changing strategies as you keep slogging through.  We have to be the grownups in the room.  It is super emotional to feel helpless, especially in an arena where you are accustomed to feeling like you are accomplished and helpful.    We have to keep it together.  If you burst into tears in frustration a few times, you are not alone.  Many strong, competent, award winning teachers have wept at school or because of things at school.  The hours are longer.  We are trying our best to make it awesome.  The students know we love them, and they appreciate that we are trying.  They just often aren't selfless enough to think about it when they interrupt the best lesson you've had thus far and ask you to repeat things because you are lagging.

I do want to remind everyone that you can join a Google meet you are hosting (and probably can on the other services as well) and use your phone as the mic and your computer as the video.  (I do that so I can clearly see all my students on the screen, but not give them the laggy sound.  This has been a help.  You have to download the app, but for me it was a total win.)

Carry on.   It's almost Friday afternoon!