So, as I was getting my reparations and polish, a lady beside me struck up a conversation. Turns out Lisa is a teacher in 4th grade and so we talked shop. We are kindred spirits and have a jolly time solving the woes of education. We kvetch over the senselessness of some programs that have replaced good teaching practices and the data measurement that has replaced real learning and the entitlement of students whose progress is hampered as a direct result of their attitudes. Then she brought up #MeToo and the recent slough of accusations and resignations.
(That said, before I progress, I applaud ladies who are taking a stand against people who have misused them in the name of power and position. I don't think anyone should feel pressured to lower their dignity to maintain an opportunity to stay employed. No one should speak in a manner that makes another feel uncomfortable in any manner. The conversation in society should be polite and wholesome, and not of the sort that you have to turn to your children and tell them not to speak that way, or that those are not words that we say. No one, work place or not, should be pressured to do things that go beyond their morals, and definitely they should not feel compelled to do so to keep their gainful employment. For example, to keep your job, you need to look the other way, you need to doctor your books, you need to extend physical favors or whatever other immoral, power-driven stupidity people think of imposing on others. Also, rape is a vile, vicious, cruel and criminal act that deserves imprisonment. Period. End of Discussion. This was also the view of my nail neighbor, for the record.)
As a Christmas gift to the world, and especially to our children, we need to save the climate that permits such behaviors. I believe we could eradicate most of the behaviors detailed in #MeToo if we did the following things:
- Carry a bar of soap and offer it to all who use the words that used to be deemed as swear (or cuss) words. If we aren't speaking in a vulgar manner, perhaps we will be less inclined to utilize those words toward coercing someone into feeling like they need to do what some of those words suggest against their own will or judgement. This word clean up would include everyone from the oldest person to the youngest, from the highest office to the lowest place. No more cursing. Period. Not even when you are angry. Not when someone cuts you off on the highway. Not at all. Especially not at work.
- Use the same bar of soap when people share a bawdy joke in the workplace. Keep a soap icon handy in your desktop for those times someone sends you a joke via email. If innuendo is not part of the regular conversation, if things are less sexually charged, it will be less easy for a slimy person to excuse themselves as just joking, or that's the way we speak here all in fun. Then, when someone makes a statement that is sexualized, we will all recognize it for what it is--a way to ease people into behavior in which they don't want to participate willingly. No more referencing the body parts of others using any terms. Even when they walk out of the room and can't hear you.
- Send bars of soap to artists who include such vulgar and warped messages about relationships in the name of artistry. These messages are harming our young people and our culture. Recently, I had a 6th grade boy quoting part of a song/rap with his friend. I asked him about it. I googled it. My eyes are still bleeding as I read the words to "A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie". This piece managed to denigrate women, increase racial tensions and use foul language in one felled swoop. These are the thoughts and the soundtrack of their youth. When I asked my student what his parents would think about him saying these words, his response was that he heard it with his family in the car. We need to clean up the entertainment industry and refuse to purchase their work. Is it any wonder that we have people who feel free to rape or to pressure people to capitulate to the equivalent of rape when people are listening to lyrics that state women are so moved to a physical response just from the flex of a muscle of a man going by that the natural conclusion is that she will just fall at his feet? Love creates a response that generates such desires. That's what people should know. Physical follows emotional. Physical attraction does not necessarily mean someone else deserves gratification; Gratification is not an entitlement of attraction. (Before you go wild about it, I recognize that people have personal choice. Music doesn't MAKE someone rape another person. Music does, however, repeat attitudes and ideas that are embedded in the brain. When famous people say or sing something, children want to emulate them and will often adopt their dress, mannerisms and speech.)
- Act as though we have left Middle School and High School. Focus, people! We are more than people who have sexual desires and who live to fulfill those desires. Work is a place where we....work. Business is a word that connotes actual business, not monkey business. Work is not the place where we are speaking about private behaviors, nor is it the place where we solicit those types of relationships. Professional means you stay on task and give your work your full attention while you are there. If you'd like to have a friendship beyond the workplace, that should be occurring outside the workplace and outside work hours. For example, if you want to be friends with a fellow teacher, you invite them out to eat after school hours, away from school property and you make it clear that you would like to be friends outside the confines of school and school hierarchy. You know, a social life. Work is not the place for your social life. People who act like crazed high school and middle school kids should feel uncomfortable acting that way in the work place because the rest of us let them know in no uncertain terms, "We don't behave that way here."
- We need to stand up, take charge and demand good clean conversations and behavior. I say #NOMORE2018 needs to be our focus. We, the people, who are all disgusted by the recent behaviors highlighted in the news in the lives of people who should have known better and should have done better, let's stop it. You start in your corner of the world, I'll start in mine, and eventually, we can roll back the smut that has become pervasive. We do have freedom of speech. I love this country. However, I also have the freedom to say that in polite society, you need to clean up your mouth. Let's stop excusing dirty conversation, stop accepting raunchy conversation, and stop tolerating things that we find bawdy and inappropriate in the workplace and in society in general.
Let's all rise together and make it happen. Let's make it go back to a cleaner air quality. Lisa and I decided it should happen and we hope you will join us. And, if it works, well, I think we will see a lot of things naturally improve as a result. Let's wipe out the naughty list together!
You better watch out, you better not cry
You better not pout, I'm telling you why #NoMore's coming to town
We're making a list, checking it twice,
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice
#NoMore's coming to town
We're tired of all your swearing
Each hour that you're awake
We feel you should be caring
Watch your mouth for goodness sake
You better watch out, you better not cry
You better not pout, I'm telling you why #NoMore's coming to town
We're making a list, checking it twice,
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice
#NoMore's coming to town
We have all just been sleeping
But now we are awake
We're stopping all the bleeping
So speak well for goodness sake
First published December 22, 2017
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