#MTBosBlaugust Can You Feel the Fear Tonight?

It's GO time.  I don't know why, but I kept thinking in the back of my mind that once everyone showed up at school, the powers that be would realize we needed more time to get this show on the road.  But there I stood today in a socially distant line with my teacher tribe, waiting to have a long Q-tip swab thing shoved up each of my nostrils to give parents an assurance that I am virus free.  For now.  People were nervous.  You could feel it.  But, we dutifully stuck our noses out--literally and figuratively.

It's GO time.  My fantasy thoughts of postponing for a week to get all of the tech issues and practical issues ironed out turned to ash today.  My room is pretty, but the list of things and adaptations still to be accomplished is endless.  Truly, truly endless.  However, in a commitment to myself, I am making this post, this blog, a priority above the list.  Then, I'm going to look across the couch and smile at my husband and make some small talk.  Once I've done a few things for me as a person, then, and only then, if I feel like it will I work on said list.  It is daunting for sure.  Usually, I'm done and helping friends at this point.  Instead, I'm scrambling with everyone else.

It's GO time.  We had a staff meeting today where the list was established, and we ended up with more questions than solutions.  You could feel the fear and frustration in people.  We're supposed to be leading the kids on Monday, but I'm not entirely certain where we are leading them, except to say that wherever it is, we will be socially distant and on one side of the hallway to avoid crossing air with anyone.  I feel like when I first taught my mom to drive.  (She had been a city dweller and never learned to drive until we kids were all adults.)  She could only make right turns with confidence.  So, whenever she needed to go somewhere, she would call me and ask me the way to get there and back with only right turns.  Now, of course, she is proficient, but the beginning was rough!)  Anyway, to go places we are directing students to stay to the right on every passageway.  You could feel the disbelief and fear.  How will this work!  Staggered dismissal?  Whose watching what?  What is lunch/morning duty?  Office hours live and virtual?  Three days of video instruction included with emergency sub plans?  We start this Monday?  Really?  Oh, and by the way, we have two nights of orientation (socially distant and video) after working all day and attending more meetings than we can possibly absorb.  And you feel the fear rise in the group.  

Yet, somehow, in a weird way, this all reminded me that despite the fear in the pack, we are all truly blessed to be together (sort of) to see this through.  We have the power to make the Senior Year of 2021 a great one with good memories.  We have the ability to help students know how to deal with tough times.  We have the joy of giving a good experience to each student when the only other experiences they are having now are stressful and fearful.  So, it's GO time.  Time for me and my teacher friends to set aside our fears, our uncertainties and our concerns and create something great and memorable for the students.  Not everyone can do this, for their own reasons, and that's okay.  But we have to start, so we may as well determine to push past the fear that things are not optimal (whether the physical, the emotional or the practical) and make things happen.  So with apologies to Elton John, here's what was running through mind.  Can you feel the fear tonight?

I feel the fear of all of them.  I feel the apprehension and the frustration.  However, because it is GO time I need to gear up, get my stuff into digital form and get it done.   Then, I need to go help my friends.   Fear is the kind of thing that isn't necessarily bad if it doesn't paralyze you.  Fear is good if it pushes you to think and react wisely.  I feel the fear.  I just don't want to live in fear.  Not going Pollyanna on you, but I just need to move forward.  I can't let all the what ifs control me to the point that I am paralyzed.  Doing something positive is a choice as much as doing nothing is a choice.  So, it's time for fear to go.  I'm kicking it out.   Game on!  Let's GO!

Well, so much for GO....I neglected to hit post... I fell asleep.