My first helicopter scar was not too deep, but the ones that followed left a lasting mark. So, I blame Oprah. In the pre Hulu days, you caught Oprah in the afternoons at 4:00 before the 5:00 news came on. You had two other options, neither of which could hold a candle to Oprah. Her shows would be the talk among friends the following day.
Well, not a literal helicopter, but what is "fondly" referred to as helicopter parents. These are people, according to Merriam Webster's Dictionary, who are a parent who is overly involved in the life of his or her child. While the first reference to helicopter parents is said to have been 1989, the development of these folks can be laid at the feet of Oprah. It began with a good heart, really. However, it morphed into what we have today. Parents who have an involvement in the lives of their students to the degree that neither party is truly living their own life.
I remember watching Oprah Winfrey having features that showed students who were falling through the cracks at school for one reason or another. The teachers were neglectful, or hateful, or inept. The students just needed more guidance, programs, intervention and assistance. The parents needed to advocate for the student. They needed relentlessness against the adversary of the school and teacher. Oprah and the audience would be shocked at the errors against the child, mostly an overlooked case of dyslexia (which was mentioned then as often as you hear the word bullying now), and then parents were encouraged to go through a list of questions with the child's teacher at the next possible moment.
Not long after these shows would air, I would be inundated with requests for conferences. I would be asked the Oprah list of questions. This was harmless, really. I loved that parents wanted to be involved with their child's progress. The good times were especially good.
Perhaps I should interject here that indeed there were children who were undiagnosed and underserved in the classrooms of the United States. I do feel parents needed to advocate for their student to ensure they received the help they desperately needed. But there came a point when we moved from being a partner with the parent in the child's education to something more akin to the parent being the invisible extra student in the classroom.
Parents moved from the kind of helicopter that swoops in for a rescue to the kind of helicopter that mows down everyone in the way--as long as little Junior is happy and gets what the parent determines is necessary for the child to have a full enriched life.
Case in point, I received an email yesterday from a parent wanting to know how they could study for the test upcoming. The parent wasn't sure how to guide the child since she is " not in your class". Seriously. (I mean what parent is in their child's class?) I should state that I review with the class for every test, as do most teachers. I invite questions about assessments, as do most teachers. It is our regular procedure to give a full review. This student never asked for information. Why should he? He knows his mom will email to ask for it. And, he is comfortable with that. Oops, duck now, here comes the helicopter blade! In middle school, students should be able to advocate for themselves. This student has the ability to advocate for himself. But, he won't. His mom has been active in trying to pick his friends at school and has even gone so far as to solicit help from the school to make that happen. (She wants him to sit by so and so, and not sit by so and so.) This is a mild example of helicopter moms, but if I gave more information, people who know me would recognize her. I read with interest that this type of parenting is extending to the college and career years. (http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-morrison-lythcott-haims-20151028-column.html
Don't get me wrong, I want parent involvement. I just don't want the parent to do things the student should do for himself. And not just should do, but needs to do for himself as part of the maturing process.
Helicopter parents push in as almost a surrogate for living for their child.
I'm all for BOGO, but I am not for 2 people living one life.
Teachers need to keep all of the roles well defined to ensure that the helicoptor blades from flyihg off and hitting us. I'm glad Oprah got people talking about education. Now, let's get people talking about taking a step back.
First published 10/5/17
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